Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
