i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
