I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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