Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize