Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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