i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
