just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
