I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
