filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
