my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
whose parrot is this?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
