i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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