you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Are we still banned from the library?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
