You made me cry and you don't even care
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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