Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
