It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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