You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
