someone owes me an orgasm
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
