i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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