No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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