drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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