So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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