Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
