the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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