I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
