I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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