you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
