You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
