Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
