watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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