Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize