its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
