there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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