Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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