My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
