You're completely useless in the revolution.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize