So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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