The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
