I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
as a side note pls kill me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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