You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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