hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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