Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
