I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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