We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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