I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
