He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize