i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
