Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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