I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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