What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
