we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
