And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
