Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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