obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
