Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
