Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
