the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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