I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
