i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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