you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
