Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ketchup is God's man juice
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
