o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize