.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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