youre lurking in front of me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
