Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
