Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
