He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
