my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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