I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
