I'm jealous of your bromance
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
