Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
