Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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