Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i've created a new STD.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
