david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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