Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
