Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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