Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
