So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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