What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
