Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize