At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
