Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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